I wrote recently that I was thinking of coming to a Beatles-themed birthday party as one of the 4,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire, mentioned in John Lennon’s song A Day in the Life on the Sgt Pepper album.
This was just one of my little jokes, because I couldn’t think that, in real life, it would be possible to devise a costume for a hole in Lancashire. Which is where my clever friend Kim proved me wrong. She draped a black cardboard circle round my neck and labelled it ‘Hole No. 3,895’.
Bloody brilliant, except that several of the party-goers said they couldn’t understand the reference, being very young, embryonic, unborn or otherwise engaged when the song was first heard.
I also found a design fault. When dressed as a Lancashire hole, I couldn’t reach near enough to my throat to pour beer down it. I overcame this by constructing a special beer-flap in my cardboard costume - possibly the finest creative achievement of my life.
An alternative and more decorative way of filling a hole in the road.